say it ain't so..

Brock went for his one month appt. Tuesday and he weighed 8lb8oz and had grown to 20 3/4" inches. He has a little acne and the doc said that is probably because he is going through a growth spurt. He is still sleeping pretty good. Most nights there is only one wake up in the middle of the night but sometimes he will do every 3 hours still. He has gotten more fussy in the last couple weeks. If he wakes up in the night or daytime he wants to nurse immediately if it has been 3 hours. Even if you try to talk to him -he does not want to hear it-he wants to eat. NOW! He will start throwing a fit. I noticed that he has started to cry in the car (if he loses his pacifer) and for a month he never once cried in the car. He will just fuss more overall if he wants to do something other than what you have him doing. I think it is pretty normal--it is definately not like the 24/7 hour colic we had with Arden. I just wonder because it has changed a little in the past 2 weeks and when i talked to the doc about it he said he said colic developes around 3 weeks and goes to 3 months. He does have little episodes almost every night-only lasting about 30min. where he will cry and you can't do anything for him. Mom said that each one of us had an hour of time that we did that every day. It isn't even every day. I am just a little scared that this will keep getting worse and he will have colic like Arden. I remember the sleep deprivation and the helpless feeling and I don't want to do that again. It was not a fun time. Yesterday he had a bad day and I even put him in the car and drove him around before i went to get Arden from school. I was pretty out of sorts. Just that little glimpse into colic or fussiness and I was afraid. He is growing and starting to say his little goo goo words. He is also smiling at his mommy in the mornings.

at Arden's halloween parade

1 month today-time for birth story

I have been promising but now I am ready to write about Brock's birth story. Here are some specific things I prayed for *that I would be able to have a VBAC since I had a csection with Arden * that I would have not complications in labor with my scar or bleeding * that the baby would be able to handle the stress of labor without becoming stressed himself * that he would come out knowing how to nurse and want to* that we would not have colic this time around* that my doc would be the one to deliver the baby* 5 hour labor if I was ambitious but I would settle for 7* healthy mom and baby.
So those are the things I had been praying about. On Wednesday night I was feeling pretty crampy/contractiony so decided to get in bathtub to try to relieve some pain and relax my body. I started having bad contractions in my back to where I could not lay in the tub and had to get out in my towel and move to the bed to stretch out. Matt was getting Arden ready for church. I told him maybe he should just wait to see what was going on. I texted my parents since I knew they were getting ready for church too and told them maybe they should come get Arden to spend the night. I don't know why i was thinking "maybe" at this point but I was just unsure because I had that false labor a week early. This was definately feeling more pain than when i went in before. Mom came and decided to stay once she saw me and Dad took Arden to church. She started timing my contractions. I was sitting on the birthing ball and bascially holding my breath when i had the contraction. Obviously I didn't have too much experience with lamaze. Well, mom quickly coached me on labor breathing and how I had to remain calm and just get through each contraction. She told me it was just like playing a sport--you had "to get in the zone". If you know me this was a very telling moment of how well my mother knows me. I don't know why her being here for the early part and really the whole thing makes the whole experience so special. I know this is one of those things that I remember when I am old or when my mother is gone. I will remember that night and her helping me to deliver our son---but i am getting all sappy. blah. tears. okay. So,she was timing my contractions and I was begging not to go to the hospital because I had horrible time when i went at night before. My contractions got to 2 minutes apart and I was bleeding so she told me we were going. By that time I was a little scared and said okay. it was raining terrible outside and when we called in the ONLY doctor in the practice tha would not preform a VBAC was on call. I looked like an idiot on the way there and walking through hospital (just like you see on tv) having to stop to hold the railing and breathing with eyes closed. When we got there Triage was full and the waiting room was full. They told me there was at least 3 girls in front of me. I didn't even have a place to sit in waiting room and none of these girls were in labor. I was in the hall standing up and laboring in the hall. Then a nurse (not one of the mean ones from the false labor night) came and whispered for me to follow her. When we got in this humongous room she told me that she could tell i was in pain and this was the real thing because she had 2 kids. Her name was Chandra and she was from South Pitsburg so she was talking to me in a way I understand saying things like "You're doing great SIS" or "Bless your heart-we are trying to get your blood work done so we can get you some drugs". HA. She seriously worked a double shift to watch our son be born and she was pregnant. When she checked me I was 4cm and she started my blood work promising as soon as it was done I could get an epidural. It took them 2 hours to get it and get the fluids in me that I needed. By then I was 6cm. Mom called the doctor that was on call and explained to him that I was a VBAC patient and he said he would not deliver me..... so she asked him to call my doc. He did and Doc Barker got there soon after I got my epidural. I loved the epi except when they gave it to me the girl could not get it in and kept insisting that I sit still--which i was --but was having hard contractions. She stuck me 5 times and I had one of the many side effects. My BP dropped and they had to call the code and come and flip me on to my side. Should have been scary but I was feeling so much better with the epi. I could actually talk to my nurses and mom and Matt. It was about 12:30 and I was 6cm so I was thinking I might just hit my timeline since I got to the hospital around 10:30 but after an hour I had only changed .5 cm because of the epidural and they had to give me a dose of pitocin to increase contractions. I didn't sleep in all this time and by the time that I felt ready to sleep I had dialated to 9cm and I could feel my contractions again.By 4am I was 10cm but the baby was only at station 1 and they have to be at 3 to be crowning. Chandra gave me the option to have more drugs or not. She suggested not to since the baby still had such a way to go and she said that for my height and size I had one of the smallest pelvic structures she had seen. So, I decided no. I know it was a good decision- I don't think i would have been able to push him out if not. We started practicing some pushes and we did that for over an hour. The encouraging part was that she could see his hair when I would push but he was stuck on my pelvic bone. He was moving down but not very fast. One bad thing is that she kept suspecting that he was face up so I kept getting checked to see. That was very very painful-while having contractions. I pushed about an hour and half and she decided to call doc down-he was sleeping in the hospital. Well, they couldn't find him. It took 30 more minutes of pushing till they found him. Mom and Matt were the ones that were helping me then-holding legs and coaching. So many people talk about not being able to move their legs or toes and I will tell you I could have gotten up and walked around the room. I could wiggle toes and move up and down the bed. Doc finally got there and checked me and said that I could probably push another 20min and baby would not be out. At this point I was nearing exhaustion. I remember when he said that a tear trickled out the corner of my eye. He suggested the forceps and I said whatever would get him here. So he used them and they are scary and huge. I still had to push for another 15-20 minutes. Even once the baby crowned he did not slip out like you see on tv. I will tell you I have never in my life felt that kind of pain. I can't even explain. It felt like my body was going to explode. The nurse had suggested that people call it the "ring of fire" when the baby crowns and I would say that is extremely acurate except it hurts more than that. When i gave the last push and he was out the doc had to cut the ambilical cord before he could hold him up. It was one of the shortest cords he had ever seen. only about 10in. I just remember that when he held him up for me to see it was once of the most powerful moments of my life. I just felt empowered. Something about it felt like being part of a miracle--not just watching (like with my csection) but helping. It was amazing to say the least. I was crying and Mom and Matt were saying "you did it!" I was thinking "we all did it-doc barker, mom , matt, me, chandra". It really was a team effort. At any turn if God had not answered so many prayers I would have labored all that time and ended up in a c section. I am so thankful that I got to experience it. On the downside the day you have the baby physically you feel like "what was I thinking" "15min. c section, still wearing makeup, sounds great as opposed to 100 stitches down there". But the next day is just so different. I felt normal. I can't tell you how awesome the recovery has been. You can even exercise after 2 weeks.I would not have been able to care for Arden at all if I had another c section. Brock nursed right in the delivery room and has not looked back so that is another answered prayer. He was such a cone head but other than that-he had no problems from the forceps or spending so long pushing. I delivered in 8.5 hours--more than I wanted but still great. My doc delivered my baby and I had angel nurse. I was perfectly healthy and so was our boy at 7lb3oz. Doc Barker even checked my scar after I delivered the placenta and said it seemed great. Another very amazing thing is that before our doctor left he had Matt and I come together and he prayed for us and thanked God for Brock's safe arrival and prayed for his life as a believer. One of the nurses had never heard a doctor pray before. So, I had my birth experience that i had always wanted. God answered my prayers and gave me the desires of my heart. I will remember it when i am an old lady on my death bed. I know that if we have another child I will want to try again. It is so much pain on the day but the experience is so amazing. I had a great c section but it was just so cool to have both experiences. I am so lucky.

day at home with my boy

Arden went camping with my parents and Matt is helping his sister move so it is just me and little boy at home today. So great. He slept in till 10:30 and I got up about 9 and got my book and coffee and got back into bed with him. He played in his bouncer while I showered and dried my hair and then we went to pick up some lunch. Of course the car seat made him tired so he is taking another little nap. He is so easy and snuggley. I am calling him "spoiled boy" or "brud" . This experience has been so amazing. I was laying in bed this morning trying to pray and I just kept saying "thank you, thank you , thank you" I just didn't even have the words. God has answered so many of my prayers with Brock. I had such a hard time with Arden as a newborn, even though she was a dream once we passed 6 months. I prayed that I just would not go back there this time around. So many specific prayers were answered about his delivery. It was nothing short of a miracle that I was able to go through with the VBAC. So many things had to be just right. Then he nursed right in the delivery room. Nursing has been enjoyable this time. It is just night and day from my experience last time. He sleeps in the night---as opposed to being up all night. I am just so blessed and pretty overwhelmed with how good God has been to our family. I don't know how to explain what changed when we had Brock. I just know that our family felt so much more complete and I thought it was complete before. I think all of us feel that way--Matt and Arden too. I also have taken the advice of one of my friends, Shelly, this time around. I remember he saying to me--give yourself some grace. I just felt so bad about how I was not back to normal right away. This time I am so not concerned with me and just trying to enjoy him. I know that it is partially my mental state that will dictate how the experience of these early months plays out in my memory. I was so overcome with fear after I had Arden---all the emotions were so overwhelming. I could barely function--I loved my baby so much and had to protect her. This time around I pray that God will keep Satan away. That I won't live in fear-that I can trush HIM. I was holding both him and Arden in the recliner the other night and I just felt like my heart would bust. They are both so precious to me. I still struggle with knowing that they are truly God's and not all MINE. I know they are mine to take care of and raise but I just feel so much pride and warmth and completion through my children. I can't imagine my life without them. God has been so good to our family. too good! I just don't deserve all of his blessings and so many answered prayers. Our God is big!!!!

P is for pajamas and pancake

Arden is studying the letter P at school and they had pajama day with pancakes as a snack. She is doing school 3 days a week 9-2. She really loves it. She prayed thank you for my school last night. So good for her to have her own thing right now. That gives me time to go to work before I have to go and pick her up--which is also nice. I need to be better about posting and I have time at home. It is hard to type on my portable laptop though because it is the size of the envelope. Not really but it has the tiniest, most sensitive keyboard. I am still going to post my birth story--before i forget.
I am feeling great. Don't love my flabby new waistline but that is a given for someone with a 3 week old baby. Boy is doing GREAT! I can't even believe it. He slept from 12:30 to 6 this morning. I am loving it. I go to bed with Arden about 9 or 9:30 and Matt stays up watching tv/doing work and watches the baby. Then he wakes me around midnight. Most times he will wake up again around 3 or 4 to nurse and then at 7:30-8 BUT last night he slept till 6. Yeah good boy! I feel like I am going to explode when he goes that long.I actually woke up at 5:15 thinking i was going to bust this morning. He is sweet cuddle boy too. But he is still little so I am going to try to keep him home for the next 3 weeks or so before getting him in a crowd. We will see.
His sister has been more problematic these days. Not bad but just whiney. I can't really stand it because I have to give multiple warning about stop it and if she doesn't then I have to follow through with threats and give spanking. She also will start crying about the least thing--like "i wanted to wear my jacket" blah blah blah. I was telling Matt last night that it is best just not to let that kind of behavior continue. crying about stuff does not get her way. So, that is a little challenging. she is still so funny and sweet but we are just rolling with the punches. That's it for now. Boy fixing to wake up to nurse.